Hey loyal readers! Hello? Anybody there?
So, in case you didn’t notice, I kind of took summer off. I realize that, as a blogger who would love a fan base, this probably wasn’t a brilliant idea. But trust me, my fellow confused college students, my decrease in page views is definitely worth it.
Let me fill you in quickly. At the end of the year, I was getting fed up with science. If you’ll excuse the continuation of my metaphor, science was kind of sleeping on the couch while I was hanging out with other life paths. I love writing and I’ll always love writing. Science is hard and I was frustrated that it wasn’t coming to me as easily as it always had. So I decided I’d switch to English and live out the rest of my college career being happy.
My chemistry professor pulled me aside after my final to ask me why I was switching to English. He looked disappointed in me. He was one of my favorite professors, so I couldn’t handle him thinking badly of me. So I sent him an email and the email he sent back ended up making me really challenge my own decision. Was it really me trying to do something I loved? Or was I running away from a challenge? Truth be told, it was probably a little bit of both. Science is not my one true love, obviously, but it is a good back up plan. I can go to grad school for almost anything with a science degree. And if one of my “real passions” ended up not working out (which – let’s be real – many times they don’t), then it’s logical to have something to fall back on.
But I was worn out on science. It drained me. So I decided to go back to Ohio and audition for a community theatre. Maybe I would get a little chorus part or maybe I wouldn’t get anything and I’d just work at Starbucks all summer. Thing is, I did try out and I did get
in, but I didn’t get a chorus part. I got the lead role in The Wedding Singer. Even in high school, I never got a lead role. I like to think it was all politics, but I tried to be realistic: I’m probably not very good. But then an established theatre group wanted me to come out last at curtain call. It was really the first time anyone other than my parents believed in this particular dream of mine. The passion I had always had for acting, the passion I had tried to ignore to keep myself from getting rejected, was suddenly right back in the front of my mind.
I was a little pissed off. I had spent so much time telling myself that I should just do something boring, that I should just accept the fact that I probably suck and move on. I’d look at everyone in Fordham’s theatre department and think, no way. I’ll never be good like that. Telling myself that was easy. But it wasn’t what I wanted.
You’re probably thinking, loyal readers that may or may not be there, “Why acting? I thought you had, like, six or seven different dream jobs?” Well, the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. I love writing because I can create characters. I love music and art because it’s a type of performance. And, fine, baking doesn’t really relate to acting, but I can bake in my free time and be perfectly content with that. My point is: I love character creation and I love being on a stage. I love acting. And I’m tired of being a whiny bitch who wants to be an actress, but
obviously not enough to make herself vulnerable and do anything about it. So, with the limited time I will have next year, I’ve decided to get an acting coach.
I don’t know if I have any talent. No one’s has ever really spoken to me about whether or not I have potential. Hopefully, my new acting coach will.
Additionally, I’m starting to find things I can do with science that wouldn’t make me totally hate my life. But that’s for another post.
So, long story short, I’m back to my friends with benefits relationship with science. But I did have a good break and, hopefully, I’ll still be able to continue dating acting on the side.